With adorable avatars like these, how hard could the game be? Right?

The premise is pretty simple: you (the red mushroom army) are trying to defeat the enemy (the blue mushroom army) by completing whatever set of guidelines are presented. That about sums up the amount of customization you have in your troops. Sadly, there aren’t different types of mini-mushroom men like Full Metal Armored Mushrooms, ready to lead the front lines or Super Secret Ninja Spores, stealthy and cunning units lying in wait to unleash massive amounts of mushroom pain – you just get to control hundreds of normal, unassuming mushroom minions.

It should go without saying that these mushroom jarheads live in small mushroom buildings. Some buildings are house-like, their main function being to pump out more and more units. As the game progresses, additional structures are introduced such as forges that boost your team’s attack and defense and towers that shoot your enemy from a distance. Take control of either of these strongholds and you’re on your way to an easy win. But guess what, your rival isn’t sitting still. Nope, with remarkably competent AI, the computer is probably two steps ahead of you – and most certainly three steps ahead of me.

Controlling your army is pretty simple: target the building which houses the troops you’d like to send into the field, hold R1 and press triangle to send 100% of that building’s soldiers to a target building, square to send 75% of them, X to send 50% and circle to send 25%. As long as you have 1 unit in your structure, you retain control of it. Send more of your mushroom men to an enemy’s building than he currently has inside of said building, and you gain control of that building. Take control of all available settlements and you win.

Don't let the colorful design fool you, the computer is going to win.

There are several sets of rules that give the game some variety. Some maps only require you to capture certain marked buildings in order to win, some have a five minute time limit; others give you points for owning marked buildings – own more marked buildings to accumulate points faster – first to a set amount of points wins. The campaign mode gives you a sampling of each game type as you play, or you can choose to “quick play” in Skirmish mode, challenging up to three computer opponents or one human (No internet multiplayer, regrettably.)

Having played through about 70% of the game’s campaign mode, I’ve run into several profanity-inducing stages. Most memorable for me was the eighth stage, which starts you out with one house and 80 men against the computer’s three buildings and 160 units. Lucky, I don’t know any bad words.